ME jokes

"GWEN, can you help me? There's some person messing with me. There name is JADSA, something like that. Look for a joke named Jayden."

Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.

Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.

Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

Add me on Fortnite, my user is liamonoce2004 :)

I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

I was wondering why the tennis ball was getting bigger 🤔

Then it hit me 🤧😂

This girl called me cute, and I told her don’t call me that. She says why, I told her, “Bitch, call me the Hokage!”

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

Guy: Robin

Bank owner: Your last name?

Guy: Debank

Bank owner: Robin Debank?

Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

Wanna hear a good joke?

My dad’s love for me.

Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.

Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?

Son, you're adopted!

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

I love stairs. They always bring me up.

Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."