ME jokes

"Talking Ben killed me. JK, it was talking me."

You remind me of a pencil.

Why?

Because at one time, you actually made a valid point. This time, everything is pointless with you around.

My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.

Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.

I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.

Hey Gwen, uhhhhhhh, fresfry told me to tell you I like you. Jk, I don't.

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

*Chatting with a stranger on the internet*

Me: Hi, how are you?

A stranger: I'm fine, hbu?

Me: I'm good. 🤷‍♂️

What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?

A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.

Who likes dick? Answer me!

Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"

Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"

Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"

The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

Spanish folks must love Olaf because they say his name to me all the time.

Me: Knock, knock.

Teacher: Who is there?

Me: Boo.

Teacher: Boo who?

Me: Stop being a crybaby and open the door!

Teacher: ......

Me: Aw man, detention again.

symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?

symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?

angela: Because you are the thot of the group.

symple: Well it takes one to know one.

symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"

angela: FUCK OFF!

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

What's the bad version of "Fuck Nirvana, rape me?"