ME jokes

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be called?

A self-me.

A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.

How dairy!

Hey, what do you call a beta simp?

You call me the beta simp.

Ralphie: They put drugs in our medication?

Me: The medication is the drugs.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

I had a friend named Wemiyoe... We call him "we me you."

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(