ME jokes

I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.

Me vs. the emo kid: we go to high-five a tree. I get a high five; the emo kid is left hanging.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.

Bully: (Speechless)

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger sister.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

They call me an elevator because I let people down.

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

Me: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Me: Not your family.