ME jokes
Popular guy in class: I am so funny.
Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.
Me: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Me: Not your family.
Hey guys, how was your day?
If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.
I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.
Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"
When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.
I hope this email finds u well
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.
What is it called when an orphan is having a family reunion?
Me time.
Wanna hear a joke?
Me.
Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Yeah, me too.
F*ck me!
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."