ME jokes

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?

Person: Big black what?

Riddler: ...

Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.

I’m in catholic school.

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?

He didn't give me any.

I was made by the Devil.

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

Your sister: You're so ugly.

Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Wanna hear a joke?

Me.

Hey, wanna hear a joke?

Yeah, me too.