ME jokes

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My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

If you don't have big Nyash,

Lower your voice while talking to me, you Mau Mau warrior. 😂😂😂

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?

He didn't give me any.

I was made by the Devil.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.