ME jokes
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
(First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.
(Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
Roses are red, I'm off the grid,
John Cena accidentally says "you can't see me" to a blind kid.
You are able to travel to the anime world, believe me, Michael Jackson did it.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?
Me: The boomerang came back.
I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.