ME jokes

Your forehead is so big when you walk by I can't see what's in front of me.

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

One like = more from me to you. 👊

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

(First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.

(Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.

My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"

Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.

1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.

Roses are red, I'm off the grid,

John Cena accidentally says "you can't see me" to a blind kid.

You are able to travel to the anime world, believe me, Michael Jackson did it.

Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”

Friend 1: “Yeah.”

Friend 2: “Yea.”

Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”

Friend 3: “I love anime.”

Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.