ME jokes
What’s the difference between me and grass? Grass doesn’t cut itself.
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.
What did the parents say to the orphans?
"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
EVERYONE:
"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"
If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
Me. I am the joke.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Hey, talk to me here!
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.