ME jokes

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."

Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣

I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut for me.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.

"Bully," omg, that girl is so ugly.

"Me," Wait, what...ever.

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

Popular guy in class: I am so funny.

Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.

What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?

The cat says "me toooo!"

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice

What do you call an orphan's family region?

Me time.

Bully: How is your girlfriend?

Me: I don't have one!

Bully: I know!

Me: How are your parents?

*Walks out of orphanage*

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.