ME jokes

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

Friend: Hi, orphan.

Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.

Friend: ummm

Orphan: Exactly, U can't.

Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

I'm not racist, but the Ku Klux Klan look all the same to me.

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...

...I told him to lighten up.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀

Me: I know a good 9/11 joke, but it would probably go over your head.

The Twin Towers: No, it won’t.

Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."

The kid: But it has no home button.

Me: Exactly. 💀

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!

My brother: What are you looking at?

Me: A mistake.

What did the Emo kid say to the other Emo kid?

Wait! Don’t leave me hangin’!

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"

The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

The man said, "Your parents."

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆