ME jokes

"Me tells dad joke often."

"I want to hear it."

"Me? You wouldn't get it."

Best friend makes joke about 9/11.

Me: My pop was a part of that!

Best friend: So sorry!

Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.

What did Africa say to the grass? Get off me!

My mom left me at a very young age.

Just a pickup line.

"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."

This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.

Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!

Me: Tells a racist joke on the internet and no one bats an eye.

Also me: Tells the same joke at KFC and everybody loses their mind.

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.

Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.

And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")

But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)

Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket

So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long

My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.

What is the difference between me and cancer?

My mom did beat cancer.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

One day I woke up and went on my phone. Some "pussy" was calling me. I answered it and said, "Hello, pussy?" and a pussy pic showed up.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.