ME jokes

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."

POV: The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.

:me😐

Everyone at the Queen's funeral:

Me and the boys getting her reboot card.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Jesse: Do you like my ball?

Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?

Jesse: No, they do not leave me.

Me: Why can't orphans play baseball? Friend: Why? Me: Because they can't find home.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot ;(

No matter how much I cry, the white people still left me hanging.

Me: What do you call an orphan?

Friend: Homeless.

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?

They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

Haha, the joke is me.

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

What's the difference between me and an orphan?

At least my dad came back.