ME jokes

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

I'm an orphan, please stop it. It's not nice and it made me cry.

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

Kid: Who is your mom?

Orphan: They left me😭

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

You're so ugly, that's why me and your hairline go far back.

This pun is so bad you're gonna punch me.

This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs. 🤣🤣 LOL

This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

A man came up to me and threatened me with his milk, cheese, and butter... how dairy!

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.

Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.

Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.

Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"