ME jokes
I say these jokes are life saving material. Who's with me?
Wanna hear a joke? Me.
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Me.
Me who?
Not me.
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!