My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
You know they say, when you get lemos make lemonade...Well i took that a little bit too literal
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
So one day i have a wife but if its getting a longer day she is moving so weird and i see she has sex with rick astley😂 [rickrolled]
Who come when a orphan gets married, they are allowed back in family restaurants but when i go in alone I'm not allowed. I have some parents for god's sake
I caught the flowers at a wedding-now married to a hot guy. But then i caught andit at a funeral i kinda nervo...............
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months. At the funeral, a man see the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man look at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
I was going to give my wife chocolates but my fat friends ate them. The wife-"You don't even have friends"
Tony's wife had a divorce with Tony, she says she wants to be an independent woman
Day's later Tony's wife had an accident, guess who's crawling back for help 💀
Chinese teacher phone rang going to class and he said My phone the Ring Ring it's my wife Ring Ring
POV: Wine Taster in hell
I was, sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. this silhouette begins to speak, "you have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. how do you plead?" the man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit. "guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like I will take any punishment you deem fit." very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request." out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. the boy says "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." the boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, Taste like chicken."
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife? Geico saves you more.
Man walks in to his bedroom where his wish is carrying a sheep under his arm and says this is the pig I've been fucking.wife says that's not a pig that's a sheep dumbass.husband says I was talking to the sheep
Hickory Dickory Dock My wife avoids my cock She's losing her and having an affair So I had to slap Chris Rock
Farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm says this is the pig I'm fucking she say u idiot that's a sheep he says shut up I wasn't talking to you
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest, he goes to tell his wife. Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...
If two Stoners get married, do they have Joint assets?
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he's too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
wife: stop telling rape jokes, its not funny. husband: who raped you this morning?
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.” Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”
