my husband is mad that i have no sense of direction. so i packed up my stuff and right.
random Couple after their first night : Husband: it was very tasty.š„µ wife: aww thanks. Hus: does anyone had taste it before? wife:ā ļø
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Said the man angered to his wife: Now stopp the dann suicide trys! Just look at the gasbill!?
A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a fucking wheelchair'
marriage is like buying a car. you see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and the certain parts stop working. then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and your still stuck with the old ones. you look over and go "but i just wanna sit in it. Just once." "its even got leather interior, its chrome, it doesn't even have oil/gas leaks!" " and it doesn't squeak!"
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again. Husband: Wait dear.. Donāt do it for the sake of our kid! Wife: Kid? Husband: Yeah, arenāt you pregnant?
Husband: Dammit alice! I'm your husband and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you! Wife: Go to hell Bob! I'm Leaving! Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Mia: I'm Preganant Again Paul I Can't wait for you to come home. Paul: I Got a Tree to Hit on the Way
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
Whatās the worst joke ever, your parentās relationship.
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
Why donāt cheetahs get married? They always cheat on each other
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife? He wiped.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."
Wife: Honey, Iām pregnant Husband: Hi Pregnant, Iām dad Wife: No, youāre not
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure. One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
