Marriage jokes
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?
Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.
Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.
That's why he married Courtney Love.
What kind of bride does the pedo icon like? A "maik order" bride. Why? The male part.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
The South Tower proposed to the North Tower, but he said no.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.
Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.
I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Why did Santa stop at three ho's?
Ms. Claus caught him.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!