Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
Man Jokes
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
What's the difference between women and men?
Men have rights.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
