Man jokes
I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
What's the difference between women and men?
Men have rights.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"