Man jokes
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
💵💵💵💵💵💰💰😎😎
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."