Man jokes
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
🎵There's a star-man waiting in the sky🎵
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.