Man jokes
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
🎵There's a star-man waiting in the sky🎵
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”