What would you call a gay man's couch? A Homo Sectional.
Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Q: What do men and math tests have in common?
A: They get cheated on.
It's raining men! Hallelujah!
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
What is another word for Arab man who is a Palestinian Muslim?
Palestinian masseur.
What is 6 inches tall when bricked up and is loved by women?
A strong man’s biceps.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
