Man jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
What do you call a gay man that is not a vegetarian?
A cocksucker.
lol hi
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.
What did the man say when he knocked down the bookshelf?
Looks like I've only got myself to blame...
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
What do you call a white man that can dance?
A faggot.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
My arse hole hurts like no joke, man. I just had to tell that your heads a peanut, you fucking nonce, kid, you fat fuck sack, your mum you dirty cow!
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."