Man jokes
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.
Gays: I like men.
Straight: I like women.
Bisexual: A hole is a hole.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
Q: What are women better than men at doing?
A: Winning arguments.
Q: What are men better than women at doing?
A: Winning swimming titles.
A blind guy walks into a bar.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Why don't gay men perform anilingus on each other in Greece?
Because anilingus is against the law in Greece.
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.