Man jokes
Hi Gwen, how is life!
A. Bad, lame, and suckish.
B. Good, awesome, and you are loved!
C. Perfect!
I'm guessing that your life is NOT B nor C! Man, you're such an asshole!
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.
Why did the emu cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Yeah, I hate myself, man.
Gwen pegs Xavier.
Fuck you
MAN 1) Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
MAN 2) No.
MAN 1) Neither did he.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Hey, dude man. I'm a dude man.
An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”
The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”
I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!
An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back. The old man wanted to do it with his wife. The man set up everything needed and did the video. He threw it back first, then his wife, but instead of an old lady, it was ashes.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?
Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.