What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
What do you call a man shopping? A half-grown carton of cheese.
To you, Iron Man may seem cool or awesome, but to me, he is pretty ironic.
Person 1 says to Person 2: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
So Person 2 says to Person 1: "What's the name of his other leg?"
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What do you call a useless piece of **** on a cock?
A: A man!
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.
What is your favorite amendment? A rapper.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.
I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.
