Man

Man jokes

Wife

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

Scratch

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

Nickel

Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?

He had a 6 cents of humor.

Right

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

Double Standard

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

Rug

What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

Woman

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

Sex worker

What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?

Sex worker.

Doctor

Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?

Alps clear the mind! Haha.

Reincarnation

"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.

"Why?" said her friend.

"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"

"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.

"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."

Elephant

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

Comb

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?