Man jokes

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

What did the man say to the girl?

You just milked a cow.

Why did the man fall off his bike?

Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.

What did the no head man say?

"Haha!"

Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.

What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?

Marriage.

A man walks in to the doctor.

He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."

Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

Why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest remove zippers from the pants of gay men in the LGBT community?

Because he lost his key to his house and he was desperate to get back inside of his house and he thought that one of keys to their zippers would be able to unlock the door of his house.

Somebody shouts "Fire!"

Man 1: Get the children out!

Man 2: F*** the children!

Man 3: We don't have time!

We got Spider-Man Homecoming, Spider-Man Far from Home, then Spider-Man No Way Home, considering society’s current state and how shitty 2023 is, the next movie is probably gonna be Spider-Man Homosexual.

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

The man who invented Velcro died.

RIP.

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

What's the smallest stick in the world?

Your man's dick.