A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
Q: What do you call a man in a wheelchair?
A: Disabled.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
John took a bath with bubbles.
Bubbles was a man.
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
The ice cream man tried to murder me today.
