Man jokes
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.
He yells, "Hello ladies!"
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
Wanna hear a clean one?
Old man takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty one?
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
Some man was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
Why did the man decide to work at a pizza place?
Because he kneaded the dough!
How do you poop?
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Why could the blind man not see?
Answer: Because he is blind.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
The deaf man said to the waiter:
"Mmmm."
The waiter said, "No English."
Then the deaf man signed, "F U."