Mammal jokes
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
Which category is glory in?
Cats.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Yes, houses can't jump at all.
What's the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig.
Elephant
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
What do you call a dabbing cow?
Udder savagery.
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
What kind of bees produce milk?
Boobies.
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.