Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
What do you call a mammal the has no hair? Cancer
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?
Zeedonk.
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
What do you call a squirrel that flies? A flying squirrel.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
