Make jokes

How do you make a plumber cry?

You kill his family.

Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Yo mama so fat she makes the sun look like a dwarf star!

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

I hate when people make 9/11 jokes, I'm just blown away.

POV: You make an emo Mr. Beast.

Your forehead is so big, it makes Kanye's ego look small.

I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.

I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

Everyone stop making 9/11 jokes; they just don't fly.

How dare you people make 9/11 jokes? It's just "plane" rude!

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

I would make a joke about Silver the Hedgehog... but it's no use!

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.