Make jokes
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.
He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
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