Make jokes

Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini?

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Make him read a book.

People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

How does Moses make his tea?

He Brews!!!

It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.

How dare you people make 9/11 jokes? It's just "plane" rude!

Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?

They're calling it Finding Emo.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.