Make jokes

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

Everyone stop making 9/11 jokes; they just don't fly.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

Yo mama so fat she makes the sun look like a dwarf star!

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

Your face makes onions cry.

What's one advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody can make mama jokes about you. 🌚

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind, please continue.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

What is the best whey to make friends with an American boy, you bunch?