Make

Make jokes

Cat

    • My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

    She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

    I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

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    • Teacher

    • A note for My arts/health teacher:

    oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

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    • Make memes

    Library

    • I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

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    • Fruit Ninja

    • I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

    The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

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    • Gay Man

    • How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?

    Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.

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    • Dick

    • I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"

    Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.

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    • Milk

    • Milk makes you tall, right?

    Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?

    Shot

    • Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

    Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

    Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

    Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

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    • Uncle

    • Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

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    • Tower

    • I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.

    I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!

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    • Emergency

    • "911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

    “I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

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    • Poacher

    • The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.

    The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.

    The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.

    The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."

    This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."

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    • Prison

    • Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

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