Make Jokes

How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?

Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.

I make weed disappear, what's your superpower?

Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

Continue.

They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.

Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.

I would make a joke about Silver the Hedgehog... but it's no use!

If chickens make chicken nuggies, does that mean dinosaur chickens make Dino nuggies?!?

CONSPIRACY!!!

You're so ugly you make the blind kids cry 😭😭

Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)

What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?

Its rings!

How do u make a sausage roll?

Push it down the hill.🍆

"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."