Make jokes

Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Mike Pence's hair is made of glue.

I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.

If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.

I dunno man, worked for me.

"Does this make any cents?" a man says.

"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.

And together we will make America great again.

You were never great in the first place.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

His parents were on the other side!

Why was the number 10 afraid?

Because it was with 9 and 11, and it makes 911.

Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana.

BORNANA

Stop making these stop jokes. I'm running out of laugh gas.

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.

We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!

What kind of pillow makes sounds?

If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.

They call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me poor and ugly.

Apparently, rich people have the smallest penises. It makes sense why Bill Gates called it "MicroSoft."

Why can't poor people write jokes?

Because they make no cents.

How does a rapper make a burrito?

With WRAPPING paper, DUUUHHHHHH!