Make jokes
I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.
Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
9/11 is not funny. It's just plane disrespectful to make fun of it.
Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!
Why can't orphans be in charge of making web pages?
Because they can't add a home page.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?
They both make a sound at the end.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
Little Johnny when he makes a Uranus joke:
Little Johnny: I have achieved comedy! 😂😂😂😂😂
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.
That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!
Why shouldn't you make an orphan cry?
Because they won't have a parent to cry to.
What did the magician do as a trick in his show?
Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!