Love jokes

Why do basketball players love cookies so much?

Because they can dunk them!

Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.

Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!

Why do orphans love a room of mirrors?\n\nBecause they're surrounded by loved ones!

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

Hello explain bear my love 💕💕

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.

Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.

That's why he married Courtney Love.

What do lesbians love to use in art class?

Scissors.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

I wrote a book called "Endless Love."

It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.