I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.
I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Why was the mountain in love with the volcano?
Because the volcano was hot!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
Roses are red. I love hot food. If I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me too.
Oh wait, I am.
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
I love all races, even the bad ones.
What's a prostitute's favorite snack?
Skittles. They love to taste the rainbow.
