Love jokes

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn't want her, why would I?

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I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

So Kenny finally found his one true love.

But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.

If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

My mum's a carrot.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"