Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
I gotta song for Hawaii baby you light up my world like no body els
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Your family.
Angus' love life.
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Because that’s the only love they get.
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
How did the blind girl get a date? She said it was love at first sight
The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon) - Don't go bacon my heart.
(Egg) - I couldn't if I fried.
Why did he not love anymore? His battery died.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks, the best part is when it kills people
What do you call Holly and Elenji?
A couple.
