Love jokes
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
My parents love me.
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
My friend's name is Campbell, so she must love soup.
Skeletons love to be in band. They love the trombone!
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
My chance of finding love.
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.