I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose."
Me: "How come did you lose Return of the Dragon?"
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
How did Voldemort lose his nose?
From uncontrolled Gold Mining!
Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
