Look jokes

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face as you climax.

Guess who I saw at school today?

Everyone I looked at. loooooooool

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

What is Trump's favorite snack?

Cheetos.

(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)

One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.

The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.

Who is always looking spot on?

The cheetahs.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"

I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

Battery 1%.

I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.

Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!

Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"