Look jokes

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

*Me sits down in the chair*

*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

*walks out without paying*

*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

*customer:* I told u she would.

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.

Yo mama so fat she makes the sun look like a dwarf star!

Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?

Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?

Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.

You think you guys are funny, but look at your hairline. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol. 😂😂😂😂😭😭💀🤨🍆💦👶🏻😈😈😈😈😈😂😂😂😂😂😂👍😳😳😳😭😭😭😭😭😭🤨

Yo mama's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.

I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!

Your forehead is so big, it makes Kanye's ego look small.

Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?

Because nobody will actually look for them.

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)