Location jokes

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.

So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"

The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."

All germs are from GERMany.

The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

A man walks into a bar.

I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?

Grove Christian School is a great school in Richmond, Virginia. I recommend that you go there.

Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!

Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?

They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.

Were you born on a highway? Because that is where most mistakes happen.

Hi, I did not get it when I went home to walk home from home and walk, walk, walk.

The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school today? And...

"We got a number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend's gone down, I revived him now we're heading southbound! Now we're in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!"

A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"

Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."

In Africa, it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or bisexual.

At the end of the day, it's night.

"I was lost in the woods yesterday."

"I was in some sticky situation..."

Mmm, I'm Walter McWhitey, I'm from the newest Mexico.

Yo mama is so fat, I thought she was a beach whale.

Zach is a gay kid from Rob. Love you!