Living jokes
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!
Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?
Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.
Cooper is the best to ever live.
Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
Why don’t orphans live in villages?
Because they will get abandoned.