I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was “remarkable.”
I Live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food so I called my dog over
fuck yall orphan lives matter
a surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery
boss: "we have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "how?"
surgeon: "I thought to do your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "get out"
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
orphans are like a trash can they live outside
Yo mama so fat she can’t even fit in the living room
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog A cat has 9 lives and a frog croaks every day
Bubba couldn't make rent so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead. I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of there lives.
Sister:Hey sis how are you today?Me:Oh good you?sister:good cause i heard you finally got a good living life
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage
Do [or "Oh, do"] you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes [or "Oh, yes"], I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane
Let girls live is 9 years old omg right??😔😊😊😊
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live - the doctor replied tu-more
a priest sees a man about to commit suicide the man says "I have nothing to live for here I will die go to heaven and get 72 virgins" then the priest says "no need for this I will take you to the local elementary school"
tommyinit said long live the queen. look at where shes at now
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
