Living Jokes

you know what the difference between kobe bryant and russel westbrook, he wears 0 and kobe has 0 lives left

Chuck Norris makes the living room the dieing room

How can you tell an anti vaccine kid

It's only got 10 hours to live

What do you call a cow that lives in Africa, Moo-fasaa

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Conspiracy Theorists: Technoblade is still alive!!!

Me: Pigs live between 15 and 20 years!!!

Fans: 😭😭😭

A man marries a blonde chick, live a happy life together and the man asks his wife if she wants kids she says "yes". So, a couple years go by, they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question"

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest. On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesnt experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place." So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his Re-seeding Heirline.

So my friends birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.

What do will from stranger things and the fresh prince of belair have is common there both named will and there lives both got flipped turned upside down

Today I went to the doctor for a test and he said I have 10 months to live. So later that day I stabbed him to death & the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved

I have an awesome sex drive, my girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heared scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police. But it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again. But this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby. Certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...

I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.

He one day said his business was “remarkable.”

This the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

"He said one day, you'll leave this world behind. So live a life you will remember. My father told me when I was just a child, these are the nights that never die. My father told me."

Whenever I think about it deeply it makes me wanna cry :(

A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked "Dad, what are you wearing?". The father would answer with "A costume for Halloween.". the child asked "can i join?". He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.