Living jokes
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!
Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?
Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
Why can't an orphan live peacefully?
Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
Chuck Norris makes the living room the dying room!
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Conspiracy Theorists: Technoblade is still alive!
Me: Pigs live between 15 and 20 years!
Fans: 😭😭😭