Living jokes
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!
Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?
Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.
Cooper is the best to ever live.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
Why can't an orphan live peacefully?
Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Chuck Norris makes the living room the dying room!
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Conspiracy Theorists: Technoblade is still alive!
Me: Pigs live between 15 and 20 years!
Fans: 😭😭😭
What do you call a cow that lives in Africa? Moo-fasa!
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”