Living jokes

My will to live.

Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.

"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

Do you know where Helen Keller lives?

Neither does she.

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!

People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.

Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.

Make a wish.

Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.

Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!

Most controversial types of matter:

1. Dark matter 2. Anti-matter 3. Black Lives Matter.

What do you call a snowman that lives in Halloween? Snoween!

Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?

Because they hate their lives and want to die.

In a thick Russian accent:

"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."

What's the worst living thing on planet earth?

Humans.

Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?

I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

Orphan: Where are my parents?

God: New York City.

Orphan: But they used to live in China.

In India, whoever lives facing the roadside, this is for them.

Whenever it starts raining heavily, our homes turn into pool-facing homes because the roads disappear.

Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.