Little jokes

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

I hope you see this plugin, but if you're listening to this, I really want to give you a little more...

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"

Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!

Little Johnny has no arms. Knock, knock, who's there?

Not Johnny.

Why did the little boy get hit by a car?

Answer: Because Sally was driving!

What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.

"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

I told Hellen Keller it was a hair dryer, little did she know it was a Glock.

Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.

My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*

Little Johnny attends school regularly and often brings a box of sultanas as a gift to his favorite teacher.

One morning Little Johnny attends class without a box of sultanas.

The teacher enquires, why Johnny "where is my box of sultanas?"

Johnny replied, "Sorry, miss, my rabbit died."

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."