New Little Jokes

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

I think fat people took the Hunger Games a little too seriously.

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.

Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.

The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.

A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.

Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute.

She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office. The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.

He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."

LBB- why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys Mummy

His mom- Maybe because your the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou

*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

Krampus- should’ve been better Little Bear

LLB -help Mummy he’s the Scratchy monster

Shrek- just kidding it’s not Krampus but indeeds Me and Black Donkey instead, and were going to poop on your floor

Duggie- hopefully Marvins doesn’t see us and by the way want some purplish koolaid

Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms and she responds with “who the frick are you talking about, since I don’t know them I got a surprise for you” she wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled For Eugene

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late I asked her why did you send James out to the hall? She said he was a little tardy I replied to her I thought they all were

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late I asked her why did you send James out to the hall? She said she was a little tardy I asked her are I thought they all were

I’ve been munching away on these new tic tacs recently and honestly, they are really good. It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty tho, so it’s time to get some more!

Little Jim’s friend told him that if he farts he will give him a tenner little Jim tries to fart but he poos him self and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies face

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver driver have in common? Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

why did little johnny drop his ice cream? because he got hit by a bus

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco? Because every little bit helps

What’s faster than a black guy with the TV? His little brother with the Console

My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister is it true that you gave my friends a blowjobs. She sad yes. My sister ask me do you want one, I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow just like my friends it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As a older brother I couldn't be more prouder.