Line jokes
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
Every moon has a silver lining.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics. They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"