Like jokes
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.
Q: Can orphans hit a home run?
A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.
If this post gets 200 likes or comments, I will show up in a MrBeast video.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.