Like jokes

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

What does a bouncy airplane sound like?

Boeing Boeing Boeing...

Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."

What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?

I don’t like the taste of broccoli.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

What do Time Clocks like to play?

Tick Tack Toe.

You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.

What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?

Nothing, the pee is silent.

"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung.

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."

Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!

People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"