Like jokes
1, 2 look at your shoes.
3, 4 they look better than yours.
5, 6 you have no friends.
7, 8 you look like a ape.
9, 10 don't you like men?
11, 12 hell naw I like females.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Leo is like a broken pencil... pointless.
Children in the Twin Towers be like: "Look, Mum, it's a plane!"
How did Hitler like his portobello mushrooms?
Jewcy.
Your hairline [is] so bad it went down like the Twin Towers.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"
Children are like pills.
The smaller they are, the easier they are to take.
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
Are your forehead and your hairline best friends because they look like they go way back?
Your PP is small, just like my will to live.
Why do orphans don't like to eat big bags of chips? Because they're family size.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Spell fuzz.
Okay, F-U-Z-Z, which also, it sounds like "F U Z's."
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.