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Like jokes

Grandma

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

Family

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

Memes

Rose

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.

Priest

What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

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  • Hot Dog

    Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."

    His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"

    People

    The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁

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  • Hare

    Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

    Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

    Insult

    I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

    I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

    I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

    Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.

    You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

    Emo kid

    Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!

    COVID test

    Home Covid Test.

    1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

    2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

    3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

    Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

    I am so nervous.

    Priest

    A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

    Priest: "What did you do, child?"

    Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

    Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

    Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

    Girl: "Yes, Father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

    Girl: "Yes, Father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

    Girl: "Yes, Father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

    Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

    Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"

    Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

    Friend

    So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?