Like jokes
Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.
But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
you play gatcha life more like go get a life.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he.
Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Why does Michael Jackson like Doge Miner? He thinks it's about minors dressed in doge costumes.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.