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The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
Memes
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesnât have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? Itâs not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Whatâs the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying thereâs a new pub in town and theyâre giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you canât go in." The Irish man says, "Why canât I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. Youâre going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "Iâm blind; itâs a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "Thatâs ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"đ
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.
But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, Iâd rather be single than with someone like you.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he.